today studied phy for the whole day.. hai.. sian.. i dunno how to describe my feeling right now.. it is definitely much more than just being sian.. cant really focused to study.. that is also sian.. i dunno how am i going to spend my 3 months holiday.. other than the special term and some camps, how am i going to spend the rest of the holidays? take a course in cc? hai.. dunno lah.. 感情的事真烦！哈哈！为什么又突然换成华语了呢？因为我已经读不下去，但又不想睡，所以就用华语写部落格来打发时间。对，我又开始无聊了。一半是因为读不下书，一半是因为我没有人可以聊天。多可悲啊！虽然不能说我朋友很多，但至少也有一些，我却找不到一个我能够谈心的。在读这则部落格的朋友别误会，我并不是不把你们当朋友，只是有些事不是这么容易跟你们讲的。请你们谅解！那所谓的知心朋友又是怎样的呢？其实我也不是很清楚，可能就是那些你一看到就能讲一大堆的，而且内容也是非常个人的。就是说你不会跟普通朋友说的话，你都会跟这些知心朋友说。应该就是这样吧！哈哈！这个你们要自己去解开了！爱情专家只对爱情的事有研究而已，其他的都不是很了解。哈哈！说到我好像我真得懂爱情这样。明天一定要尽量达到我的目标，不然我不知道星期四的考试要怎么考。希望大家不会像我一样被爱情的事而烦（是的，爱情专家也有为爱而烦的时候。），也不会为考试的事而烦，总之大家要快乐就对了！哈哈！我真的很罗嗦！大家，晚安啦！

This is my life.1:14 AM

我肯定是超级无聊，我竟然会在一天内写这样多个entry。哈哈！我是真得真得很无聊！！！谁可以来娱乐我一下？原来休息是这么得无聊，读书也无聊，休息也无聊，还有什么事情是不会无聊的？真糟糕，我在休息的时候竟然没有东西做。要沦落到用华文写部落格来打发时间，可见我有多无聊。更无聊的是，我已经不懂要写什么了，还一直在写。现在想到蔡健雅的“好无聊”。“好无聊，真的好无聊。。” 那让我这个半个爱情专家来分享分享吧。。哈哈！开玩笑的！我是在电台听到的，这个男生喜欢这个女生但却从来没向她表白，他希望那个女生能够快乐，他也就满足了。当DJ问他那个女生快乐吗，他却说不知道。我真得觉得很奇怪，为什么不去查一查那个女生是否快乐呢？如果她不快乐，那这不就是最好机会进入吗？可以安慰她，照顾她，希望从中她能够感觉到你的关心。如果她真的快乐而且得到了幸福，那他只能在一旁默默地祝福她。男生本来就应该厚脸皮一点的，如果什么都不敢，像是表白都不敢，他就真的要等一个敢向他表白的女生了。幸好现在的女生比较开放，敢追求自己的幸福，不让我看会有很多单身汉了。哈哈！ 那我自己呢？我是否会向喜欢的男生表白呢？这个问题我一直在想，我想了很久但从来没有答案。我在中学的时候，我记得我那时候跟自己说，我以后一定要向自己喜欢的人表白，但现在的我是那么怕被拒绝而不敢这么做。为什么会变得那么懦弱？是否每个人都是这样呢？我知道当你找到幸福时，你要懂得珍惜而不是紧紧地抓住。就好像你握着一把沙粒，你的手握得越紧沙粒就越是会溜走，但如果你放开你的手，沙粒虽然还是会溜走但你却能够欣赏它的美。你觉得呢？有时还是该放手吧。放手看看，你可能会发现不一样的美。凡是不要太执著，太执著只会让自己不快乐。看开点会让自己更快乐。不知是否我太执著才会让自己这么不快乐？这就是所谓说的容易，做的难吧。大家不妨静下来想一想你们现在的感情，想想是否你们把这段感情“握”得太紧。如果是，放开手看看吧。如果不是，那继续加油。当然我不鼓励情侣吵架时整天提到分手，在一起已经是有缘分了，何不冷静下来解决问题。是不是开始觉得我很矛盾？一下子说放开看看，一下子却说要坚持。看是什么问题吧，我无法跟你说什么问题该用什么方法解决，我只能说跟着你的感觉走。感情的事跟着感觉走就对了。虽然可能得不到什么答案或回报，但跟着感觉走就对了。你可以问别人意见，但不能因为别人的意见而改变自己的决定。哇！真的不敢相信！我竟然写了那么多。我不愧是爱情专家。哈哈！（不要脸！）要看到专家下次的分享得等到专家考试过后了。哈哈！晚安！

This is my life.11:15 PM

damn sian ar.. not i dun want to chat wif ppl.. but is dunno wat to chat about.. and sometimes is that person not free.. one thing abt chatting that makes me so sian is that the other person dun reply.. no matter wat u say or how much u have said, he still dun reply.. super duper sian lor.. if i did something wrong u r not happy about, just tell me.. i am ok about it.. if it is really my fault, i will change.. i will apologise.. dun just keep quiet.. i have 5 days to prepare for physics and i dun intend to waste it.. 5 days make a difference.. but before i start the tedious revision, i just wanted to chat and relax.. why make it so unpleasant.. yah.. maybe really busy and away lah.. if that i cant blame anyone, hai.. the feeling being rejected is so damn sian.. i am really a libran.. morning still quite optimistic about my results.. now feeling so bad.. sian ar.. i really have to control my feelings.. hope it does not affect the people around me.. really very sian ar..

This is my life.10:47 PM

just woke up from a long long afternoon nap.. haha.. the feeling is so good.. today is my chem paper.. haha.. on the whole alright lah just some mistakes here and there.. phy next thur and is the last paper.. finally can slp without worries le.. haha.. no lah.. during exam period, i can slp very well.. haha.. right now although only left one paper, but somehow feel quite empty inside.. dunno leh.. u may ask 'empty?'.. wat does it mean by empty? i also dunno.. haha.. funny right? use the word and dunno how to describe.. i have been keeping this secret for quite a long time le.. and i dunno when i can let it out.. let him know.. or maybe i wun let him noe.. what's the use when the percentage of success is like 0.000001%.. haha.. actually i wanted to put more zeros.. haha.. i realised something.. i can be quite optimistic about my schoolwork but when it comes to something like this i become pessimistic.. dunno the reasons y and i supposed no one knows.. after the exams, i will be continuing with special term taking water resourse management.. dun ask me why i take this module.. i also dunno.. just take lor.. take with my qing ai de.. haha.. aiyo.. i still thinking about him.. sian ar.. u wun believe how much i wanted to put him out of my mind lor.. tried le but failed.. hai.. i just remembered i wanted to share some message my friend sent me while i am studying for the exam.. read it.. 人在成长的过程中，难免遇到挫折 懂得保护自己，也要懂得爱自己 生命的乐章，看你自己如何去谱写 躲避不一定躲得过 面对不一定最难受 得到不一定能长久 失去不一定不再有 转身不一定最软弱 别急着说别无选择 别以为世上只有对与错 许多事情的答案都不只一个 所以我们永远有路可以走 你能找到理由难过 也一定能找到快乐 懂得放心的人找到轻松 懂得遗忘的人找到自由 懂得关怀的人找到朋友 so.. what do you think? haha.. wanted to send it to all my friends de.. but y not just put it in my blog.. let everyone see.. haha.. tat's all for today's entry.. i think alr quite long le.. haha..

This is my life.5:40 PM

finished german today.. finally.. the paper ar.. hai.. i considered it tough lor.. the passage ar.. hai.. den the questions.. hai.. the last question is supposed to be a compo.. but it wanted us to write dialogue.. hai.. the grammar.. hai.. the vocab.. hai.. for this paper can only hai.. somemore ppl can leave early lah.. there's this question that i dun even understand lah.. they wrote down some products and want us to give the country that it is produced.. i looked at the names and stunned.. i dun even noe wat is that thing lor.. how am i supposed to give you the country.. hai.. forget it.. over liao.. tml will be chem.. only sub that i hope i can get A.. now alr 10 plus.. 1hr.. 1hr to look thru all the chem.. jia you.. must believe i can score A.. so optimistic.. haha.. ok lah.. go study now.. night..

This is my life.10:33 PM

today whole day studied chem.. hai.. tml must start my german le.. hai.. exam period is so tiring.. hai.. anyway, sometimes some things are just meant to be joking.. dun get too serious.. haha.. speaking from my own experience.. hai.. 可怜的我 need to go back to study le.. cya..

This is my life.9:03 PM

today just finished the computing paper.. left 3 more to go.. my german.. hai.. anyway, my friend post this link i did it.. haha.. go predict and c what happen ba.. enjoy.. http://www.crush007.com/v2/predict/1177351033xge

This is my life.1:09 AM

chionging computing for the past few days.. hai.. very sian.. this week very siong ar.. 3 papers.. somemore german just before chem.. german night and next day morning chem.. hai.. cant blame much.. hai.. after computing tml, rest awhile den need to pia chem.. den spend tue n wed for german.. of cuz, wed will spend some time for some chem revision.. hai.. chem.. the only confident sub to get A.. but dunno lah.. a lot of ppl all find chem easy so dunno also lah.. will moderate de ma.. hai.. as for my german, hai, can get S i happy liao.. maybe shldnt think of taking lvl 2 le.. will be damn stress for lvl 2.. haha.. c first lah.. if special term den another case le.. haha.. today afternoon rained so heavily lah.. the thunder and lightning is so scary tat i switched off my com lor.. wah.. so scary.. draw my curtains.. den hugged my bear.. so scary ar.. haha.. anyway.. gg slp soon.. study a little more and go slp.. night..

This is my life.10:35 PM

just finished my effective communication paper.. average paper lor.. cant comment much since it is an open-book exam.. now i just hope i can survive through the rest of the papers.. especially my german.. i am afraid i may give up on german.. simply too much to memorise.. too much.. hai.. y cant german be open-book? haha.. even if it is really open-book, i may not be able to score lor.. hai..

This is my life.4:50 PM

sian ar.. just came back from the maths paper.. gone liao ar.. i forgot how to prove convergence.. and the continuity.. sian ar.. simplest things i dunno how to do.. feel like nagging to someone.. feel like complaining.. feel like hitting my head to the wall.. damn stupid ar.. the last qn also gone.. how to pass.. even pass also not with a good grade den wats the point.. damn angry with myself.. really demoralizing lor.. first paper lidat.. what will happen to my other papers? especially my german n phy.. i can predict computing, german and phy to be the other killer papers.. sian ar.. why does it haf to happen to one of my more confident subject.. SIAN AR...

This is my life.4:56 PM

i am going to sleep soon so this will be a short entry.. studied maths the whole day.. my feeling right now is.. erm.. not sure how to describe.. nervous.. worried.. stressed.. did some past year papers and saw the similarities in the questions.. the type of questions.. so haf some feel what qn will be out for tml's paper.. and i realize i always stuck at limits, seriers (convergence or divergence) and some integration.. not i dunno the qn wor.. is the integration that i dunno.. sian.. this is the worst thing that can happen when u noe how to answer the qn but is the integration part u dunno.. hai.. ODE is not really a problem to me but worried about the integration.. series and limits is what i am more worried about.. hai.. tml over then over liao.. hai.. stressed ar.. forget it.. i go slp now.. night..

This is my life.12:47 AM

doing one maths past year paper just now.. damn irritating.. one integration part used around half an hour and until now i cant solve.. damn irritated by it.. need to revise on some stuff cuz i realise i always forget abt them.. i am looking thru my friends blog and i realized people really changed over time.. if ppl tells me "you have changed", i will think "got meh".. haha.. cuz i don't think i have changed.. i'm still like erm.. like in sec. sch lidat.. dunno abt fashion all that kind of stuff.. dunno how to dress up and all tat kind of thing.. haha.. if i didn't choose jc and choose poly instead, maybe my life is totally different now.. but i didnt regret choosing jc although life there is not exciting.. at least i met some nice people there.. haha.. i really want to know whether i have changed.. in what ways have i changed? character? personality? anything.. maybe ur can tag to let me know.. haha.. not many ppl read my blog.. haha.. also, am i mature? or i am just acting mature? this is just some thinking with no regards to studying.. need some break out of the studying cycle.. for the next three weeks, will be in tense mood.. may not be talking much or maybe in not a very good tone.. sorry ar.. i am always like that during exam period.. last time 'a' levels even worse loh.. haha.. dunno why.. i think every exam will make me cry one time.. after crying, can study again.. not really cry lah.. just the sudden urge of crying.. maybe because of other matters also.. quite emotional during exam period.. the lack of sleep.. the stress.. some other matters.. all these wun make me collapse but making me feeling sad.. u wun noe the feeling unless u go thru it urself.. so if u r consoling someone, dun say 'i understand what u r feeling' unless u really went thru the similar thing urself.. saying this sentence is like trying to brush the person off.. 敷衍.. isn't it sad if u haf a friend like tat when u really need his concern? i dun believe in 'love at first sight' or '天长地久'.. i dunno understand why i dun believe but it doesn't sound logic to me.. i think a relationship can only last if the two of them noe how to communicate with each other.. actually i am not expert about this kind of thing lah.. just some of my thoughts only.. hai.. forget it.. go back to study now..

This is my life.6:58 PM

from today onwards, everyday will be a stressful day.. hai.. this is worse than a levels.. i just managed to read through the maths lecture notes.. and some computing chapters.. tml i planned to read through the maths tutorials and the ODE lecture notes.. then finish the chemistry notes also.. that should make up the whole saturday.. for sunday.. do the maths past year papers and maybe some german studying.. monday is dedicated to maths only.. haha.. tue then maths exam.. hai.. so soon.. i don't understand why for this semester i have so little time to study compared to last semester? why is this semester so short? hai.. really too soon.. hopefully i will survive through this exam.. i mean the results.. i aimed quite high.. whether i will get what i aim is a problem.. hai.. shouldn't think of this now.. think of studying.. how to organise my time to study.. should say my active time.. haha.. i sleep quite alot.. like this morning.. i mean friday morning lah.. now saturday already.. i woke up at around 930.. den started studying at 1145.. but went back to sleep at ard 1200.. haha.. studied for only 15 minutes.. slept until 100pm then have my lunch.. my mum cooked for me.. plus it started raining heavily at that time so didn't go down to buy.. hai.. this is how i spent my friday.. black friday.. it's friday the 13.. haha.. nothing bad happened.. feeling sad recently.. maybe due to the wet weathers.. or is it because of some other reasons.. i don't know.. i just don't like people to come to my room.. feel irritated easily.. hai.. i don't know the exact reasons for my unhappiness.. partly should be exams.. but what about the other part? who will know? just now listened to this song 小情歌by苏打绿.. 这是一首简单的小情歌 唱着人们心肠的曲折 我想我很快乐 当有你的温热 脚边的空气转了 唱着我们心头的白鸽 我想我很适合当一个歌颂者 青春在风中飘着 你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒 我会给你怀抱 受不了看见你背影来到 写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚 就算整个世界被寂寞绑票我也不会奔跑 逃不了最后谁也都苍老 写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡 最后谁也都苍老 it's a love song.. well.. i think it is.. don't really understand what it is trying to present in the song.. but the melody sounds good.. very easy to learn.. the more i listen, the more i like it.. haha.. i am not sure if i will still blog during exam period.. maybe yes maybe no.. depends on the situation at that time.. whether i think i have studied enough for the subject.. haha.. anyway, the subject for the special term 1 is already out.. i am given 'water resource management'.. weird? haha.. i also don't know what will it be about.. i am only taking 1 so should be able to score.. haha.. just some electives.. alright.. good night!

This is my life.1:00 AM

today got 3 tests.. oral considered test right? first to go is maths test.. surprisingly easy.. i still thinking is there something that i missed or what.. after the test, i asked my friend.. and he said is easy also and our method is the same also.. so maths test success.. next is phy test.. haiz.. sian.. i didnt study one topic and yet it really come out.. anyway only a few topics so sure come out de.. haiz.. sian.. can only state equations then anyhow do loh.. what to do.. haha.. lastly is german oral.. sian.. i got the presentation that i dun wan.. but it turn out still ok.. but the teacher need to repeat the question two or three times before i understand she is talking about.. reading is fine.. the answering questions part is the worst.. for the last question, i dun understand the last word which means holiday.. den i am sitting there starring and thinking what the word mean.. then she told me it means holiday.. so the question is asking me where did i go for my holiday.. sian.. so i think i scored badly for that part.. but i think overall can pass lah.. she wun fail us ba.. haha.. pray hard.. haha.. now less than 1 week time or just around 1 week time to prepare the first paper which is the maths paper.. haiz.. confident about it but yet scared of it.. i dun wan suddenly they give us those very difficult questions.. den i will faint.. haiz.. jia you jia you jia you!!!

This is my life.9:58 PM

a small break from studying now.. haha.. i was reading my friend's blog just now and coincidentally they have introduced a song that i wanted so much to introduce too.. haha.. if i introduce again, it will look like i copied them.. so i will introduce one more song on top of that song.. now u shld be guessing which song i wanted to introduce right? haha.. it's 我怀念的 by 孙燕姿.. the radio said that this is a 疗伤 song.. quite appropriate.. if u listen to the lyrics carefully, u will realise that.. it is not just 疗伤 only, it sort of erm.. how shld i phrase it.. it is like a song that can help u calm down.. whenever i hear this song on radio, i will stop what i'm doing and sing along.. although 五音不全, but the feeling is very comfortable.. sad song but can calm you down.. haha.. actually i am still thinking of the second song to introduce.. haha.. got it.. 张学友的"在你身边" another song which i think can calm me down.. i think is the melody.. of cuz the lyrics also plays a part.. i like this part especially.. 你的温柔让我逐渐深陷 每天总是期待看你一遍 哦 爱的感觉这么强烈 我怎能否决 不管天涯海角 我要在你的身边 nice isn't it? sounds so sweet.. haha.. i have introduced two totally different songs.. first is quite a sad song and the second song under comparison is a much happier song.. haha.. enjoy!

This is my life.11:15 PM

does being alone for too long makes a person more sentimental? i dun remember me being so sentimental in sec sch or JC leh.. i noe i have changed.. better or worse? i dunno.. i dun think anyone can point out how i have changed ba.. even me myself also not sure.. so here's another question.. who really noes me? haha.. i think i like to ask such question to keep myself thinking all day.. crazy girl.. exams alr making me so stress.. i still think of such questions.. den from there, i will think who will like me? haha.. really crazy le.. even this kind of fate thing i also think.. haha.. being alone too long liao.. haha.. or i too stress liao.. haha.. anyway, go slp le.. night..

This is my life.12:32 AM

finally blogging again.. haha.. busy the past few days.. OP, tests.. busier for the weekends cuz there are 2 tests and my german oral is on monday.. haiz.. plus exams coming le.. stress ar.. now the only thing that makes me happy is sleep le.. haha.. dun scold me pig ok.. haha.. ask around.. which student will have at least 8 hrs of sleep everyday.. i cant find any.. some even sleep less than me loh.. 2hrs.. 3 hrs.. i sleep at least 4 hrs loh.. haha.. depends on what i did during the day.. haha.. also, my com is back!! haha.. something comes to me today.. why is a relationship so fragile? whether is it friendship, between family, or your loved ones.. dun get the wrong idea.. i didn't break relationship with anyone.. i just listened to some songs.. that's all.. how can we maintain a relationship? go take 'effective communication'.. haha.. no lah.. but from what i have learnt from this subject is listening and appropriate responding.. which is back to communication.. how can we listen effectively? how to respond appropriately? i admit i am not a good listener.. my mind will wander around.. so what's the secret to a good relationship den? everyone noes is communication.. but who really noes how to communicate well? when we know someone for a long time, we tend to forget about caring his/her feelings and just said everything without thinking.. have this ever happen to you? sometimes you tot you are only joking but yet he/she is taking it hard.. it's not good experience.. after that, you don't noe how to tell him/her that you are joking only.. it's strange, isn't it?

This is my life.4:29 PM

i feeling damn tired today.. i dunno y.. haiz.. haven start my german hw yet.. haiz.. stressed! haiz.. dunno y so tired.. sian ar.. have alot to finish yet dun haf the time to do so.. haiz.. by tonight i must really finish my german hw and the speech for hw110.. tml need to rehearse le.. german.. haiz.. 1 more week is my german oral le.. die die.. weekend didnt touch german at all.. dunno if still understand anot.. haiz.. is taking a language a bad choice? haiz.. no point regretting now.. sian ar.. go eat dinner liao.. take care!

This is my life.6:48 PM

today i slept the whole afternoon.. damn tired. haiz.. must be weekdays too tired liao.. so weekend must rest.. haha.. haha.. tml need to finish my hw110 OP and german hw.. haiz.. sian.. studying makes me feel so sian.. have u ever miss someone? wat is the feeling of missing someone? haiz.. nvm.. focus on exam ba.. night..

This is my life.1:47 AM